Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Вдогонку про Вакс. Warning: you will LOL
angelita
natasha_laurel
All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless
removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the
EpilStop, and now


My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from
work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours:
maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I
mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of
hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart,
press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising
crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How
hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm
mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think.


So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and
soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair
dryer! And heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh,
how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my
thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best
feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no
longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and
smooth skin extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place
one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass cheek.

Yeah, it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself.
RRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind! Blind from the pain!

Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another
deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear
crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy
my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in
the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like
an Olympic gold medallist.

But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where
could the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet.
I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar
Baby." I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body
that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet. I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut.

Ass? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to @!#$ anytime
soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom
trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.
Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong.
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.
Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax.
So now I'm stuck to the tub. I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so
surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and pussy are stuck to the tub." She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass. "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying
to hide the giggles now. I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the
number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them
the truth. "While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies
than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and
THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to
other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the
lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start
screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and
we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the
hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb
by that point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet. Never know
when a moustache might start to come in.

Tonight, I attempt hair dying.




Не верьте мне..

  • 1
Wow, I started with attempt of hair dying :-) Few hrs later I threatened my hairdresser to burn down her salon if she won't take me immediately (Sunday night).
But "waxing" is forbidden word for me- have you heard of laser hair removal?

But "waxing" is forbidden word for me- have you heard of laser hair removal?

Yeah, I gathered that after your comment on SF Bay Area thread. ;o)

As for laser, I even went to the UCLA to check on them. They refused to release the prices till I undergo some stupid orientation, which took almost an hour, after which I was informed that underarms is some $2500 and it's not guaranteed after all.

F U

I said. ;o)

Due my own waxing-intolerance, I consider myself the luckiest person in the world to discover the laser option. And I can recommend a place with reasonable prices if you're interested.

mmm... and it works?? well, it actually really varies from person to person. Another thing is that there is plenty of places in LA where they do that. It's just ... I am kinda thinking that may be such a procedure is worth to be done at a medical establishemnt. You know. I am chicken to go some little places.

I like to experiment (yes!), but I won't recommend something I didn't try first and wasn't happy with results. Hair-removal isn't a rocket science, pretty safe and doesn’t have to be most expensive place you can find:-)But place is legit and operates under medical license. I sent few of my friends and my mother there and so far everybody is happy. But you're right- not everyone is a good candidate for it, no matter where you do it. You should have consultation before.

what r u doing online at this hour? go sleeeeep!!!

I am off.. at two am again. dang!

Super-funny!:-)
How did your birthday go?

dang, u should have come over after the play! мы колобродили до трех ночи. Cruzio only showed up at 9pm. That was the first time I met him in person as well.

Sorry, nikak ne poluchalos- mi kolobrodili do 4 utra. Next time?
Ya yezhau v Mexicu na nedelu, no mi reshili s devchenkami obyazatelno poiti v Roccapulco po priezdu- prisoedenyaisya.

Ха ха ха. that was a good one ;o)

копирайта нема.

ты знаешь, эту бойду запостили месяца три назад в одном месте, без (c.), эссно.

А тут я в свете всех бикини страстей о ней вспомнила, ввела в гуггле очередь ключевых слов и он мне выдал ссылок дцать на это творение в различных женских бордах.

Так шо, как грится, слова народные. Исполняет автор. ;о)))

вчера шутку подкинули: Вы с училища?
-Да еще какая

;о))))

когда доперло - смиялсо

это вербальная шутка. На письмо тока если с высоким айКью. ну, или с ПиэйчДи. :о)

треба казаты "take the test". To pass the test - это получить зачет.

Какая татуировка бы вам подошла?


Энергия


Ваша кипучая энергия не дает вам покоя. Вы способны хвататься за десятки дел одновременно. Увлечения сменяют друг друга со скоростью света. Сегодня вы разводите африканских тараканов, а завтра - учите японский язык. Вы обожаете активный отдых: лениво валяться на пляже - не для вас.


Наверняка у вас далеко не одна татуировка. Причем, вы не останавливаетесь на достигнутом результате и всегда готовы что-нибудь добить или переделать. Ваши татуировки привлекают всеобщее внимание - они необычны и действуют как магнит. По вашей спине вполне может спускаться сноубордист, а на запястье - плясать шаман с бубном: вы не загоняете себя в какие-то ни было рамки.


Пройти тест!

Man!! I knew . ... I knew that!! I posted it and then thought of this pass-take crap, what else can a daughter of an English teacher think? I was too lazy to make corrections.


So, she is the energy, huh. And she was complaining being tofu... ;o)



Вы самый настоящий романтик. Обожаете все воздушное, мягкое и нежное. А минимализм и строгость оставляете другим. Вы не любите принимать решения - предпочитаете, когда это берут на себя другие. Для любимого человека готовы на многое - например, сделать татуировку с его именем.


Татуировку вы выбираете по тому же принципу, по которому выбирают ювелирные украшения - чтобы было мило и красиво. Орнаменты из цветов, симпатичные насекомые, эльфы - скорее всего вы выберете что-то подобное. Вам нравятся маленькие татуировки.



пройти тест

поздравляю с ЛЖ;) ниче, если я не в той теме?:)
а я вот сделала бразилиан. но это не подвиг. подвиг - если я туда вернусь второй раз;)
Амбра

но это не подвиг. подвиг - если я туда вернусь второй раз;)

это шедевр! :о)

  • 1
?

Log in

No account? Create an account